Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
