Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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