Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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