I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
