you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
