Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
