We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
