No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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