I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
