An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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