yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
