life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
