Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
