did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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