Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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