he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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