6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
