are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
