Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
