mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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