New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
