just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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