We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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