You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
