Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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