I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
