Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
