hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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