When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
