You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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