so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
