Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
