My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
