I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize