There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
