i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
