I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Two words: nipple clamps
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