I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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