you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
