I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
