Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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