Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
