You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
