also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize