we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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