I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
