Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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