he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
