You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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