Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
