Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
