I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
