Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
