she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
