UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
