Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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