I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
