He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
