"it" just moved
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
