I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
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I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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