made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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