It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
