Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
