i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
