There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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