Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
