im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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