I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
