i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
