I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
