I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
