You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
