So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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