i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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