I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Never joke about your clitoris.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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