So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i dont even know how to be here
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
