I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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