He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
